Stayout.ca

Okay, maybe that’s the first not-funny post, sorry for that, but that ad is very nicely done.

Allright, first the website-related “ouh!”. I got a little email alert that one of my articles was picked-up by a blog carrousel about relationships: Give Me Closure. My article was describle as:

“[..]a Top 5 List of break-up cures in an AskMen.com type of format. The style is light-hearted to give a humorous angle to a heavy subject. [...] Those warnings are useful for some of us who do take things literally. Thanks, Mal.”

Hahaha I thought that was pretty funny (especially the AskMen.com type! Hahaha) but I’m not sure I get the “who do take things litterally”… Uhm. Anyways.

Next “Ouh!”. Lately, I’ve been listenning a lot to Lily Allen (Especially her song “Smile”). Hum, First Lady SOV, now Lily. I think I got something for british chicks! Anyways, I was listenning to her cd on the way back from work … and what do I hear??

It’s the Specials!! Yeah! It’s hilarious. Lady sovereign did a cover of “Pretty Vacant” from the Sex Pistols … and now Lily Allen goes Ska! No wonder that she likes it with those reggae-ish beats in the backgrounds.

And last but not least. “Ouh! Mini-Article!”. Yes. For some reasons, I wanted to do another “Top X” list. This time:

Top 10 things: That I love in a woman

I’m not talking about looks here. I’m talking about everything else:

Note: These aren’t in any particular order

#10: Perfume/Smell. For some reason, that’s the one that pops right out in my mind as soon as I ask myself the question. I once dated a girl with bad breath… and God, it was nasty (thank god she lost that habit). But i’m a big fan of perfumes (not the overwhelming “punch in the face”). There’s nothing better, then an attractive women, with an attractive smell.

#9: Humor. For me, that’s a REALLY important feature. A chick that can’t laugh… is not worth talking to. There’s nothing more beautiful, then a beautiful women smilling.

#8: Style/Fashion. No, i’m not talking Gucci here. I’m talking about an Identity. I find nothing more boring, then a gorgeous woman… wearing boring common clothes. Come on ladies, you’ve got a perfect silouette, USE IT. Nothing sexier then a cute girl with some clothes that says “That’s me!”. Do you put the nicest roses… in crappy torn newspaper?

#7: Intelligence. That’s pretty obvious. I went out once with an airhead… and yeah, that’s really not fun. Sure, for a one night stand, I guess it could do (mutual physical attraction, I guess). But in the long run? Go for the ladies that can whip your ass at scrabble (or at least give you a good challenge). A book with an incredible front page… is nothing but just a front page. You’ll be done with it within minutes.

#6: Sexual Attitude.. That’s clearly a personnal preference… but I think that also contains major “no-no’s”. If a chick says to a guy “Shut up, I know what I’m doing” and the guy is in pain… she clearly DOESN’T know what she’s doing (by the way, that goes both ways. Communication people! Try it.). My favorite attitude for a lady … is submissive, but challenging. Nobody wants a free cookie… we all want a free cookie that had to deal for or … maybe steal when someone wasn’t looking It all taste sweeter.

#5: Knows when to talk. As stupid as this sounds, some people just don’t know when to shut up. At the other end, some people just never talk. So I think it’s just simply a question of compability and balance.So in short: Don’t talk to say nothing nor keep silent what you want to scream.

#4: Open minded. Back to the airhead. There’s nothing worse that a supperficial women that goes “Eww, that’s like … you know … so not hot.”. Get out of here Nicole Ritchie. She’s so not cool anyways (hahaha.)

#3: Optimistic. I’ve been down too, and i’ve delt with my fair share of dark ladies… but this is just bad. Usually, their self-hating will just go on the other person making them feel horrible. So, back to the smile, nothing is better then an happy and cheerful woman.

#2: Creative & resourceful. That goes a little bit the intelligent point… but in my opinion, it deserves it’s own category. I love when I ask something to a girl and she can’t do it … that she figures out a way on her own to do it instead of just going “uh, I don’t know, tee hee”. I mean, it happens that we really don’t have a clue… but TRY.

#1: Punctuality. People that are always late can translate only to one thing: I don’t give a flying f*ck about you. But that stand for guys and girl. Nothing worse then someone who shows up late, with a shaky reason (or even worse, no reason at all :o).

Some other things I personnally look for in a women: Shoes (yeah, not only chicks do that. Shoes tell a lot about a person), attitude (yeah, you’re so fashioncore that nobody gives a…), social (nobody like the TOO quiet type) and not too huge a slut (sex is important and really good… but someone that constantly offer it up too easy or “tease” people with it… that’s just annoying.).

So that’s it for today! Whew… that was a loooong post. I think i’ll make an article of that Top 10 … uhm, maybe. What do you think? Did I miss something?

Sixty-fooooooooooooooouur.

Hahaha I love that kid. He makes me think when christmas meant something. Nowadays it just plain blows. I hate it. It’s ALWAYS akward. It’s not really a celebration, nor a “Hey I knew you wanted this but couldn’t afford it” … no it’s “Hey, you better like it… this costed me 173.54 $! And as I mentionned earlier, i’m quite a whinner too. So it’s never really what I wanted

But hey, that’s your fault for not knowing me Haha In the meantime

OMG !!! AN N64!!!

*Warning:**

This contains a LOT of mature language & is really heavily opinion-based…

I’m one of them… Definately. I’m on my way to recovery, and I now I know why I can’t even stand seeing someone like that (I mean, I’m a whinning guy… but at least I TRY to do something about it). Yesterday, a acquaintance of mine came to me with some weird rambling about how she was a loser. Long story short, she fucked the wrong guy… same thing with her bestfriend. Bleh, oldest story in the book.

But it got me thinking of that self-abusive and attention-seeking behavior. I’ve very rarely done that… but I know OF them. I mean whinning and bitching is human… but JUST doing that and seeing that as a form of « action » is stupid. I can’t actually quite put my finger on what makes me want to puke so bad about it… but it just reminds me of weak and stupid people that I know (mind you, i’m not saying that everyone that whines is weak or stupid… but most of them.).

Exhibit A:

Girl fucks the wrong guy…or vice versa, blah blah blah.

The bad: « I’m turning into a lesbian » « Men are so… »

My opinion: SHUT THE FUCK UP! You are NOT going to switch to pussy just because you got fucked by some moronic jackass (Yeah, don’t be a redneck and think « Gay is a choice », you twat.).

Oh while we’re on the subject: No, he’s probably NOT a player. I hate how all stupid cunts use that words nowadays. « Oh, he screwed my bestfriend 2 months later. He’s such a fucking player… ». No, he is most likely NOT. A player, is a guy who has an overwhelming charisma and confidence (and probably a nice mercedes to go with it). He’s able to pick up a girl in a local bar and bang her on the same night. If the guy actually knows your mother’s name, took you out to a few nice restaurant… you were just dating you dumb twat! That’s not a player! At worst, he just gets around a little bit too much. Luck is, he’ll probably have is jaw replaced someday by some jealous boyfriend or something… so stop drinking and just do something with yourself.

Exhibit B:

« I have no friends… » « I’m so lonely… ».

This’ll be my slightly self-bashing moment because lately I noticed how much I really have any good close friend (hey, I am writting this on a SATURDAY NIGHT. I mean come on! I’m fucking 22 yrs old. I should be partying my ass off.) BUT, I know that this shit is my fault. I’m a safe guy. I hate to play it risky. I think about the consequences and it prevents me from doing a ton of stupid shit. It makes me whimpy! I don’t like drinking and I don’t have a big ego (nor a mercedee for that matter) so what the fuck could I have? Yeah, sure I have a little charisma, but that only gets you so far. I think that people who are stuck at the level, are a bit retarded. I mean it’s an unfortunate status sure… but whinning to everybody about it sure as hell doesn’t help you. I don’t really have a solution for this one (if I did … I probably wouldn’t even be writting this in the first place anyways) but my best guess would be: Kick your own ass. People don’t really give a shit about you and neither should you. If your friends don’t take time to return your call (because if you never try to do anything … then you’re just fucking dumb) then fuck them. Find some people that actually do care about you and want to take you out. And if nobody wants to take you out … uh … check a mirror or something.

Don’t forget: Love and friendship are only temporary mutual necessity.

Oh yeah, remember to ignore those “so call” friends later on when they need your help. It might seem childish … but… uh … Who cares anyways?

Exhibit C:

«He doesn’t care for me…» « We’re always fighting/screaming with each other »Alright, I’ve dealt enough with crying little twats to know this one.

Two steps:

1- Talk it out.
2- LEAVE EACH OTHER AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

Yeah. Simple as that. Love sucks and it hurts. But you’ll be back on your feet… someday. If the possiblity of going back together arise again … Take a breather… think again … AND LEAVE! If it fucked once… you’re just both looking for some comfort. (unless the break-up was due to something circomstancial)

Exhibit D:

«I miss him/her»

We all do. Tough shit. Life’s tough. Get used to it. Beside you’ll have forgot everything about him/her as soon as you bang that new intern at your job.

The end…

for now.

This article took a weird twist. I didn’t really intend on it to start like that but … Hahaha… It’s pretty funny. Oh! And if someone tells you « I’m tired of hearing you whine »… fucking ignore the fucker. That’s not a friend speaking, that’s a mindless idiotic aquaintance that you should forget about immediately. That kind of people will fuck you over in a blink if it means they can get “better friends”. So I guess it would be a good mutual thing that you ignore that person in the future. A friend will always try to help you… I mean, I guess. I don’t have much of those… so I wouldn’t really know … Gosh … I’m so lonely …

HAHAHAHAHahaha. Psych! Losers.

With this we’ll have a decent freakin’ game.

I hate games without any sort of realistic Rag Dolls…

And a freakin’ awesome news:

Oh yeah!