Hear ye, Hear ye. He is back!

Yes people, i’m back with a fresh new article! This time around, I go through the list of times I thought: “Why the hell are they doing this?”. I’m (unfortunately?) usually a good “dry-shoulder” for ladies to go cry on and let me tell you, i’ve heard them all. And seriously, most of these… are just stupid, right of the bat. Here we go:

“Honey-boo, let’s have a kid!”

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. And parenting is a great thing. EXCEPT… when you’re 20. Or you’ve known your wife for 6 months. I’ve actually knew a chick that on the second date, she asked if I’d like to have kids within THE YEAR. As any sane human being, I did the most logical thing I could do: Dump her ass. A week later, she was with another man. I also know a guy who had a kid from his highschool girlfriend. Sheesh man, we’re not in the 50’s anymore! If there’s something, there’s no way your highschool love is the love of your life (do some math… 6.6 billion people… you met her ON THE FIRST TRY. Yeah. Right. Try the lottery pal!). On the other hand, mistake happens. I know a single mother that is getting through life rather well. I still think that she could’ve tried an another approach… but hey, her choice!.

Bottom line: Have kids when you’ve been together for 5 years, lived together for at least 3 and when you stop oggling that sexy co-worker.

“Sweetcake… Let’s rent a place!”

Again, sharing your day to day life with your sweet-half… can be great (I guess). BUT NOT, when you’ve been going out for 3 weeks. A good friend of mine, picked this guy randomly from a bar (as most ladies do…). Ya-di-ya-da. Couple of weeks later… they were living together. And right there and then, things got sour. Problems at work… problems when going out… sharing the same vital space = One HUGE screamfest. Now, they’re doing the salsa of “Get out of here!” and “Come back, please!”. It’s a shame… two wonderful person, ruined by a stupid idea.

Bottom line: DON’T LIVE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Hell, even when you’re married, don’t live together. You can do that when you’re 50 and bored with your sex life. And talking about sex life…

“Honey, you know I love you … but let’s be modern here!”

This one … is still a puzzle to me. Open couple where the main rules is “You can fuck anyone… as long as I don’t know about it, and I can do it too. By the way, I love you.”. Oddly enough … that always seemed to either end on a hateful scream and lots of cries … or a mountain of “You f*cking slut! You slept with WHO?!?”. Wow. Who would’ve thought! I can understand the need to fuck stranger just for the sex but, yeah. That’s what happens!

Bottom line: If you want an open couple, you don’t want a couple.

“Cutie bear? You remember my friend Sharon, right? Funny subject came up…”

Threesomes… can be an interesting memory. But that is if it’s not with your better half. Threesomes are like f*ck-friends, you do them out of sheer pleasure & adventure. You don’t do that with your better half! Even drunk … because guess what? It’s bound to fill your couple with doubts, little “Why is he enjoying fucking her so much…” or the casual “Hey… she’s really digging that carpet job… uhm…”.

Bottom line: Keep your sex fantasies safe and out of reach of your loved one (… I’m not saying cheating here… duh.)

“Baby, you know I love you as much as I would if you were right here…”

My personnal favorite: Long Distance Relationship. The thought of the logic behind this is simply laughable. When you love someone… you want to be with them. You want to wake up and see their sleepy eyes open and see their bright (yet slightly smelly) smile. You want to hug them close… Now, imagine doing these things with an ocean between you and your loved one. Sounds logical? Get your head checked. I knew a chick that had a boyfriend in FRANCE (while we were in Montréal, Québec)… COME ON ! I, of course being nice as I am, broke them off. I’m not one to screw-up someone’s else couple … unless I think it’s pure crap. And this one, was the mother load.

Bottom line: 15 miles radius people.

So that’s it. Oh well, I also thought about the “Hey honey! Let’s try inter-species beastiality!” but … couldn’t think of anything funny to go with that. … Pouhahaha.