I’ve always thought that “blogging” was a funny thing. You have different type of blogging. You have mine for exemple, which is a mix of “what happens in my life…” but not daily. I also mix it up with some lists and funny movies. But you also have the very popular “Today, I took a crap and it kinda smellled weird…” kind of blog.

They are usually very centered around the writer and oddly enough creates very passionnate fan-base. I was reading some post about this rather… hum I would say funny, but i’m not sure she’s always kidding… montreal woman. Her blog is in french. Now, personnally I think that’s a gutsy thing because … my french sucks more then my english (can you imagine? sheesh ! And the worst part is that i’m actually francophone! hahaha). And what did I see in her post? … a “smartass/mother” comment.

A smartass/mother comment for me is someone that says “Oh my … watch your language!” or “So many mistake! I dissaprove…”. Seriously, I can understand if there’s a butt-load of mistake… or that the message gets screwed up because of mistakes… but god, this isn’t really the place to be anal! It takes FOREVER just to write a proper and interesting entry.

Anyways, back on subject (to disarm odd confusion: This is totally unrelated to Miss Célibataire urbaine. I don’t really know why people got confused but uh yeah… it’s a piece about BLOGS and the immediate need to have an answer. Thank you.)… I just found it rather funny how blogs are a new “insight” into other’s life. It’s like having a friend that tells you everything… but doesn’t care to know you at all. You have to love technology right? If someone would’ve brought that idea in the 50’s he would’ve been laughed at.

Oh that also makes me think about e-mail and the “need for the immediate answer” symptom. I was watching a show on tv about technology and the guy was saying how interesting it was to see how our generation needed everything… right now. And I IMMEDIATELY saw myself right there. I’m a class-A addict to sms/msn/ and everything in between. I have the need to be available at all time… even when I ain’t at all. And I started thinking about dating… and how “normal” it is these days to ask a pretty lady her email. Can you imagine that happening in the 50’s ? It would’ve been hillarious! Of course, you would’ve taken her home address and then … MAILED her a demand to take her to the prom. And if you were lucky, a couple of weeks later, you would’ve gotten a big “NO” on a piece of paper and you would’ve moved on (because the prom was only days away, and let’s face it… you’d have to settle for fat betsy). But now a days, you get an instant answer! And guess what do you do ? You answer back:

“Why don’t you wanna go?”
“‘Coz … you’re needy and uh … like ya know … stuff.”
“I’m what? You’re not making much sense here…”
“Ugh nevermind! … you’re like SOooo not cool.”
“… Not cool? … how does that have anything to do with …”
“Ugh! whaaatever!

… And then you never hear from her again (well, ain’t a big loss anyways… big betsy doesn’t have crabs at least. Oups). I think i’ve come to a conclusion on the subject of availability. To be not “needy” and cool… you have to not talk to them and pretty much ignore women…(that and you need to be a blond surfer with a 6 packs and white teeth. Hahaha.) Well, in reality, I think we’re just a lost generation. As the saying goes:

“You’ll always want, what you can’t have.”

MAL out.
See ya laterz. And go read her stuff… pretty funny.

Hear ye, Hear ye. He is back!

Yes people, i’m back with a fresh new article! This time around, I go through the list of times I thought: “Why the hell are they doing this?”. I’m (unfortunately?) usually a good “dry-shoulder” for ladies to go cry on and let me tell you, i’ve heard them all. And seriously, most of these… are just stupid, right of the bat. Here we go:

“Honey-boo, let’s have a kid!”

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. And parenting is a great thing. EXCEPT… when you’re 20. Or you’ve known your wife for 6 months. I’ve actually knew a chick that on the second date, she asked if I’d like to have kids within THE YEAR. As any sane human being, I did the most logical thing I could do: Dump her ass. A week later, she was with another man. I also know a guy who had a kid from his highschool girlfriend. Sheesh man, we’re not in the 50’s anymore! If there’s something, there’s no way your highschool love is the love of your life (do some math… 6.6 billion people… you met her ON THE FIRST TRY. Yeah. Right. Try the lottery pal!). On the other hand, mistake happens. I know a single mother that is getting through life rather well. I still think that she could’ve tried an another approach… but hey, her choice!.

Bottom line: Have kids when you’ve been together for 5 years, lived together for at least 3 and when you stop oggling that sexy co-worker.

“Sweetcake… Let’s rent a place!”

Again, sharing your day to day life with your sweet-half… can be great (I guess). BUT NOT, when you’ve been going out for 3 weeks. A good friend of mine, picked this guy randomly from a bar (as most ladies do…). Ya-di-ya-da. Couple of weeks later… they were living together. And right there and then, things got sour. Problems at work… problems when going out… sharing the same vital space = One HUGE screamfest. Now, they’re doing the salsa of “Get out of here!” and “Come back, please!”. It’s a shame… two wonderful person, ruined by a stupid idea.

Bottom line: DON’T LIVE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Hell, even when you’re married, don’t live together. You can do that when you’re 50 and bored with your sex life. And talking about sex life…

“Honey, you know I love you … but let’s be modern here!”

This one … is still a puzzle to me. Open couple where the main rules is “You can fuck anyone… as long as I don’t know about it, and I can do it too. By the way, I love you.”. Oddly enough … that always seemed to either end on a hateful scream and lots of cries … or a mountain of “You f*cking slut! You slept with WHO?!?”. Wow. Who would’ve thought! I can understand the need to fuck stranger just for the sex but, yeah. That’s what happens!

Bottom line: If you want an open couple, you don’t want a couple.

“Cutie bear? You remember my friend Sharon, right? Funny subject came up…”

Threesomes… can be an interesting memory. But that is if it’s not with your better half. Threesomes are like f*ck-friends, you do them out of sheer pleasure & adventure. You don’t do that with your better half! Even drunk … because guess what? It’s bound to fill your couple with doubts, little “Why is he enjoying fucking her so much…” or the casual “Hey… she’s really digging that carpet job… uhm…”.

Bottom line: Keep your sex fantasies safe and out of reach of your loved one (… I’m not saying cheating here… duh.)

“Baby, you know I love you as much as I would if you were right here…”

My personnal favorite: Long Distance Relationship. The thought of the logic behind this is simply laughable. When you love someone… you want to be with them. You want to wake up and see their sleepy eyes open and see their bright (yet slightly smelly) smile. You want to hug them close… Now, imagine doing these things with an ocean between you and your loved one. Sounds logical? Get your head checked. I knew a chick that had a boyfriend in FRANCE (while we were in Montréal, Québec)… COME ON ! I, of course being nice as I am, broke them off. I’m not one to screw-up someone’s else couple … unless I think it’s pure crap. And this one, was the mother load.

Bottom line: 15 miles radius people.

So that’s it. Oh well, I also thought about the “Hey honey! Let’s try inter-species beastiality!” but … couldn’t think of anything funny to go with that. … Pouhahaha.

Yes, it is time again. The deadites must unites !!!

Yes! YES!!! Evil dead is back in Toronto … and in my head … that means montreal is next on the list !!! and even MUCH better:

Btw, bunch of crap in my life (mostly work oriented) so I haven’t got much time to write articles… but don’t worry… i’m backing them up on paper… and once the flow starts going … wheee!

Yes, I voted today in Quebec (real vote day is: .

I know, I know… it’s so not-punk. So not cool. Hip. But yeah, I did it. And I kind of got interested in it for once (I.e.: I didn’t vote for the party who had the funniest name.) But to my dismay… It got me thinking.

Why do we have the right to vote? Let’s see here what Wiki says about it:

Voting is a method of decision making where in a group such as a meeting or an electorate attempts to gauge its opinion—usually as a final step following discussions or debates.

What about democracy? :

The definition of democracy is simple, the rule of the people, but great complexity and diversity has arisen from the varied concepts used at different periods of history and in different situations.

But WHY … Oh why, do we let stupid (mostly un-informed or just too old to be informed) people VOTE! For me, it makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. It completely makes me sigh in despair. It renders the whole process meaningless. I see what some of you might think “We all have 1 vote, 1 voice, we’re all equal”. Yeah, but what happens when that voice is retarded and has nothing good to say?

Anyways. All this to say two things: I voted for Quebec Solidaire. and I swear to myself, in the upcoming elections: I will be more informed and i’ll be “That guy…” that everybody hates that keep saying “Oh you shouldn’t vote for these guys …”

Btw, I’m sorry for the lack of new stuff and all … I had a huge rush at work (if you’re curious: Babe Tournament) and i’m looking into re-doing the site’s layout.

So cheerios!

Allright, first the website-related “ouh!”. I got a little email alert that one of my articles was picked-up by a blog carrousel about relationships: Give Me Closure. My article was describle as:

“[..]a Top 5 List of break-up cures in an AskMen.com type of format. The style is light-hearted to give a humorous angle to a heavy subject. […] Those warnings are useful for some of us who do take things literally. Thanks, Mal.”

Hahaha I thought that was pretty funny (especially the AskMen.com type! Hahaha) but I’m not sure I get the “who do take things litterally”… Uhm. Anyways.

Next “Ouh!”. Lately, I’ve been listenning a lot to Lily Allen (Especially her song “Smile”). Hum, First Lady SOV, now Lily. I think I got something for british chicks! Anyways, I was listenning to her cd on the way back from work … and what do I hear??

It’s the Specials!! Yeah! It’s hilarious. Lady sovereign did a cover of “Pretty Vacant” from the Sex Pistols … and now Lily Allen goes Ska! No wonder that she likes it with those reggae-ish beats in the backgrounds.

And last but not least. “Ouh! Mini-Article!”. Yes. For some reasons, I wanted to do another “Top X” list. This time:

Top 10 things: That I love in a woman

I’m not talking about looks here. I’m talking about everything else:

Note: These aren’t in any particular order

#10: Perfume/Smell. For some reason, that’s the one that pops right out in my mind as soon as I ask myself the question. I once dated a girl with bad breath… and God, it was nasty (thank god she lost that habit). But i’m a big fan of perfumes (not the overwhelming “punch in the face”). There’s nothing better, then an attractive women, with an attractive smell.

#9: Humor. For me, that’s a REALLY important feature. A chick that can’t laugh… is not worth talking to. There’s nothing more beautiful, then a beautiful women smilling.

#8: Style/Fashion. No, i’m not talking Gucci here. I’m talking about an Identity. I find nothing more boring, then a gorgeous woman… wearing boring common clothes. Come on ladies, you’ve got a perfect silouette, USE IT. Nothing sexier then a cute girl with some clothes that says “That’s me!”. Do you put the nicest roses… in crappy torn newspaper?

#7: Intelligence. That’s pretty obvious. I went out once with an airhead… and yeah, that’s really not fun. Sure, for a one night stand, I guess it could do (mutual physical attraction, I guess). But in the long run? Go for the ladies that can whip your ass at scrabble (or at least give you a good challenge). A book with an incredible front page… is nothing but just a front page. You’ll be done with it within minutes.

#6: Sexual Attitude.. That’s clearly a personnal preference… but I think that also contains major “no-no’s”. If a chick says to a guy “Shut up, I know what I’m doing” and the guy is in pain… she clearly DOESN’T know what she’s doing (by the way, that goes both ways. Communication people! Try it.). My favorite attitude for a lady … is submissive, but challenging. Nobody wants a free cookie… we all want a free cookie that had to deal for or … maybe steal when someone wasn’t looking It all taste sweeter.

#5: Knows when to talk. As stupid as this sounds, some people just don’t know when to shut up. At the other end, some people just never talk. So I think it’s just simply a question of compability and balance.So in short: Don’t talk to say nothing nor keep silent what you want to scream.

#4: Open minded. Back to the airhead. There’s nothing worse that a supperficial women that goes “Eww, that’s like … you know … so not hot.”. Get out of here Nicole Ritchie. She’s so not cool anyways (hahaha.)

#3: Optimistic. I’ve been down too, and i’ve delt with my fair share of dark ladies… but this is just bad. Usually, their self-hating will just go on the other person making them feel horrible. So, back to the smile, nothing is better then an happy and cheerful woman.

#2: Creative & resourceful. That goes a little bit the intelligent point… but in my opinion, it deserves it’s own category. I love when I ask something to a girl and she can’t do it … that she figures out a way on her own to do it instead of just going “uh, I don’t know, tee hee”. I mean, it happens that we really don’t have a clue… but TRY.

#1: Punctuality. People that are always late can translate only to one thing: I don’t give a flying f*ck about you. But that stand for guys and girl. Nothing worse then someone who shows up late, with a shaky reason (or even worse, no reason at all :o).

Some other things I personnally look for in a women: Shoes (yeah, not only chicks do that. Shoes tell a lot about a person), attitude (yeah, you’re so fashioncore that nobody gives a…), social (nobody like the TOO quiet type) and not too huge a slut (sex is important and really good… but someone that constantly offer it up too easy or “tease” people with it… that’s just annoying.).

So that’s it for today! Whew… that was a loooong post. I think i’ll make an article of that Top 10 … uhm, maybe. What do you think? Did I miss something?