Yes, after a long hiatus, I am back.

From now on, i’ll try to write weekly reviews of my fun life adventures. Next week: The Canadian Swing Championship.
Yes, I just can’t wait. I’ve got the jeebies a bit but hey, who doesn’t? Especially right before becoming the world best jiver EVER.

I will also give you updates on my love life (or lack off), my new love of the moment (I should written a bit on Entourage. Damnit. Maybe on season five!) and other various painful thing i’ll experience in the future (i.e.: Balls Vs Zipper part 2 and Dude, why are you putting and icepick in my mouth?)

After watching Juno this weekend, I was day dreaming of what the perfect women would be.

Here’s what I took:

My perfect woman would be…

A little Juno and a little clementine (and she’d get both of those two movie refferences). She’ll stun me with her lips first and her appearance second. She’ll outsmart me, and i’ll love it (but probably won’t fully admit it). She’ll look as stunning with morning breath as she will when she’s ready to party like it’s 1939. She will be young yet mature beyond her age. But she’ll also be a sarcastic little brat to keep idiots at bay. She’ll be respectful and passionnate about the slightest details. She’ll know I hate it when she’s late, so she’ll show up 5 minutes early and hide just to see my reaction. She’ll make me smile and laugh when I get too serious about stupid stuff. She’ll hold my hand and look deep in my eyes when I get anxious. She won’t have to say I love you, I’d know it. She would fight for me, without thinking everybody’s a contender.

That’s all I got for now!

I’m going to pick this place up a bit again. It’s too dead, that’s no cool!

I’ve always thought that “blogging” was a funny thing. You have different type of blogging. You have mine for exemple, which is a mix of “what happens in my life…” but not daily. I also mix it up with some lists and funny movies. But you also have the very popular “Today, I took a crap and it kinda smellled weird…” kind of blog.

They are usually very centered around the writer and oddly enough creates very passionnate fan-base. I was reading some post about this rather… hum I would say funny, but i’m not sure she’s always kidding… montreal woman. Her blog is in french. Now, personnally I think that’s a gutsy thing because … my french sucks more then my english (can you imagine? sheesh ! And the worst part is that i’m actually francophone! hahaha). And what did I see in her post? … a “smartass/mother” comment.

A smartass/mother comment for me is someone that says “Oh my … watch your language!” or “So many mistake! I dissaprove…”. Seriously, I can understand if there’s a butt-load of mistake… or that the message gets screwed up because of mistakes… but god, this isn’t really the place to be anal! It takes FOREVER just to write a proper and interesting entry.

Anyways, back on subject (to disarm odd confusion: This is totally unrelated to Miss Célibataire urbaine. I don’t really know why people got confused but uh yeah… it’s a piece about BLOGS and the immediate need to have an answer. Thank you.)… I just found it rather funny how blogs are a new “insight” into other’s life. It’s like having a friend that tells you everything… but doesn’t care to know you at all. You have to love technology right? If someone would’ve brought that idea in the 50’s he would’ve been laughed at.

Oh that also makes me think about e-mail and the “need for the immediate answer” symptom. I was watching a show on tv about technology and the guy was saying how interesting it was to see how our generation needed everything… right now. And I IMMEDIATELY saw myself right there. I’m a class-A addict to sms/msn/ and everything in between. I have the need to be available at all time… even when I ain’t at all. And I started thinking about dating… and how “normal” it is these days to ask a pretty lady her email. Can you imagine that happening in the 50’s ? It would’ve been hillarious! Of course, you would’ve taken her home address and then … MAILED her a demand to take her to the prom. And if you were lucky, a couple of weeks later, you would’ve gotten a big “NO” on a piece of paper and you would’ve moved on (because the prom was only days away, and let’s face it… you’d have to settle for fat betsy). But now a days, you get an instant answer! And guess what do you do ? You answer back:

“Why don’t you wanna go?”
“‘Coz … you’re needy and uh … like ya know … stuff.”
“I’m what? You’re not making much sense here…”
“Ugh nevermind! … you’re like SOooo not cool.”
“… Not cool? … how does that have anything to do with …”
“Ugh! whaaatever!

… And then you never hear from her again (well, ain’t a big loss anyways… big betsy doesn’t have crabs at least. Oups). I think i’ve come to a conclusion on the subject of availability. To be not “needy” and cool… you have to not talk to them and pretty much ignore women…(that and you need to be a blond surfer with a 6 packs and white teeth. Hahaha.) Well, in reality, I think we’re just a lost generation. As the saying goes:

“You’ll always want, what you can’t have.”

MAL out.
See ya laterz. And go read her stuff… pretty funny.

Hear ye, Hear ye. He is back!

Yes people, i’m back with a fresh new article! This time around, I go through the list of times I thought: “Why the hell are they doing this?”. I’m (unfortunately?) usually a good “dry-shoulder” for ladies to go cry on and let me tell you, i’ve heard them all. And seriously, most of these… are just stupid, right of the bat. Here we go:

“Honey-boo, let’s have a kid!”

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. And parenting is a great thing. EXCEPT… when you’re 20. Or you’ve known your wife for 6 months. I’ve actually knew a chick that on the second date, she asked if I’d like to have kids within THE YEAR. As any sane human being, I did the most logical thing I could do: Dump her ass. A week later, she was with another man. I also know a guy who had a kid from his highschool girlfriend. Sheesh man, we’re not in the 50’s anymore! If there’s something, there’s no way your highschool love is the love of your life (do some math… 6.6 billion people… you met her ON THE FIRST TRY. Yeah. Right. Try the lottery pal!). On the other hand, mistake happens. I know a single mother that is getting through life rather well. I still think that she could’ve tried an another approach… but hey, her choice!.

Bottom line: Have kids when you’ve been together for 5 years, lived together for at least 3 and when you stop oggling that sexy co-worker.

“Sweetcake… Let’s rent a place!”

Again, sharing your day to day life with your sweet-half… can be great (I guess). BUT NOT, when you’ve been going out for 3 weeks. A good friend of mine, picked this guy randomly from a bar (as most ladies do…). Ya-di-ya-da. Couple of weeks later… they were living together. And right there and then, things got sour. Problems at work… problems when going out… sharing the same vital space = One HUGE screamfest. Now, they’re doing the salsa of “Get out of here!” and “Come back, please!”. It’s a shame… two wonderful person, ruined by a stupid idea.

Bottom line: DON’T LIVE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND. Hell, even when you’re married, don’t live together. You can do that when you’re 50 and bored with your sex life. And talking about sex life…

“Honey, you know I love you … but let’s be modern here!”

This one … is still a puzzle to me. Open couple where the main rules is “You can fuck anyone… as long as I don’t know about it, and I can do it too. By the way, I love you.”. Oddly enough … that always seemed to either end on a hateful scream and lots of cries … or a mountain of “You f*cking slut! You slept with WHO?!?”. Wow. Who would’ve thought! I can understand the need to fuck stranger just for the sex but, yeah. That’s what happens!

Bottom line: If you want an open couple, you don’t want a couple.

“Cutie bear? You remember my friend Sharon, right? Funny subject came up…”

Threesomes… can be an interesting memory. But that is if it’s not with your better half. Threesomes are like f*ck-friends, you do them out of sheer pleasure & adventure. You don’t do that with your better half! Even drunk … because guess what? It’s bound to fill your couple with doubts, little “Why is he enjoying fucking her so much…” or the casual “Hey… she’s really digging that carpet job… uhm…”.

Bottom line: Keep your sex fantasies safe and out of reach of your loved one (… I’m not saying cheating here… duh.)

“Baby, you know I love you as much as I would if you were right here…”

My personnal favorite: Long Distance Relationship. The thought of the logic behind this is simply laughable. When you love someone… you want to be with them. You want to wake up and see their sleepy eyes open and see their bright (yet slightly smelly) smile. You want to hug them close… Now, imagine doing these things with an ocean between you and your loved one. Sounds logical? Get your head checked. I knew a chick that had a boyfriend in FRANCE (while we were in Montréal, Québec)… COME ON ! I, of course being nice as I am, broke them off. I’m not one to screw-up someone’s else couple … unless I think it’s pure crap. And this one, was the mother load.

Bottom line: 15 miles radius people.

So that’s it. Oh well, I also thought about the “Hey honey! Let’s try inter-species beastiality!” but … couldn’t think of anything funny to go with that. … Pouhahaha.